Your child is feeling under the weather at school, but both you and your partner are stuck at work. Who will pick your sick child up?
Your partner is travelling and you have the flu. Who will help you watch your child?
Nowadays, most of us live in nuclear families and we aren’t always prepared to deal with such situations. Often there is no support system to fall back on and compromises are made and work-life balance suffers.
This wasn’t always so. Our grandparents, many of our parents and even some of us were born and brought up in huge, sprawling families. There were enough eyes to watch the kids and more than enough hands to feed and take care of them. But in our generation things have changed. Nuclear families, for a variety of valid reasons, have become the norm.
There is an African proverb that says that it takes a village to raise a child, and it’s true. We first come to this realisation when we become parents ourselves. We learn how hard it is to take care of a baby, the many challenges that come with it and how much help we need.
In those early days and nights, there is sleep deprivation, numerous diaper changes and learning to feed and bathe the baby—all the while balancing housework and office work. Phew! And as your child grows older, new challenges come up. Which parent will do school/ after-school activities pick-up and drop? Who will watch the child while both parents are at work? Which parent will stay at home when the child falls sick?
So, you start relying on the people around you and you build your village. Your parents, in-laws, nannies, siblings, friends, neighbours and even teachers at school or day care facility all become a part of your tribe. These are the people you can count on. These are the people you can trust to watch your child. These are the people who help you balance work and home.
But, it takes time to build these relationships. There are those of us who have immediate family living nearby, which makes it that much easier. There are many of us who live far from family due to work, life etc. In this case finding your village takes some effort.
So, how do you go about it? If you’re a new parent join parenting groups on social media or even in your community—breastfeeding group, babywearing group, post-natal groups, there are plenty. You will meet other parents going through what you are, which is the first step towards feeling less lonely on this journey of parenting. As your children grow together there will be more to share and connect over. You will have a host of people you can turn to!
Do you have older kids? Create a community for them. Get to know the other parents in your apartment building or locality and be there for one another. Carpool and take turns dropping and picking the kids up from school and other classes. During summer holidays, plan neighbourhood activities to keep the children occupied and let the grownups alternate supervising them.
We have to put ourselves out there in order to create this network. Often, we are too afraid to ask for help. We feel we have to do it all. And that’s when we get overwhelmed and things fall through the cracks. So, reach out and ask for help! That is the first step towards building a village. If you can afford to, hire a nanny or enroll your child in day care. If childcare isn’t in your budget, ask family and friends to step in and help in whatever way.
Parenting is the hardest job in the world and we all could do with the extra help. When we have support we are less stressed, more present, and in turn our children feel secure. So surround yourself with people who will be there for you in your hour of need. And as you build your village to raise your child, remember to be a part of someone else’s village and help them raise their child.