Who doesn’t like winning? How wonderful it is to see our children winning at things. And when they lose it breaks our heart to see the look of disappointment on their faces.
Say that your child has been practicing for a race for a month, or been studying for days for a competitive exam, and they don’t get the place or grade that they thought they would. You might think that that would be the main reason the loss has upset them so greatly – all that hard work coming to nothing. But another major aspect that contributes to their disappointment over losing is that they feel they have let you, the parent, down.
Think about it. From when your child is young when they win a race, or score a goal or get top marks on a test, as the parent you can’t help but praise them. You celebrate their wins and they pick up on that. So, when they do lose, it hits them hard. They feel like they’ve failed you. This is why it’s important to teach your child that it’s okay to lose.
That losing is a part of life, and when they do lose you aren’t any less proud of them.
• Say that your child didn’t win the 100-metre race that they were so sure of coming first at. Or, your young one misspelled a word on a spelling test and got a lower grade than expected. Allow your child to express their hurt and disappointment when this happens. Make sure that they know it’s okay to feel bad when they lose.
• When your child is upset and wallowing in their loss, don’t tell them to cheer up and to get over it. What your child feels is natural, and when you brush it off you can make them feel worse. Let them work through their emotions and feelings and come out of it without being labelled as a ‘sore loser’ or a ‘bad sport’.
• Empathise with your child. Accept their losses. Talk to them about it, and share your own experiences with losing, so your child knows you always have their back no matter what. This allows the child to feel secure, and to heal quickly and move on.
When your child learns that it’s normal to lose at times, and that it’s a part of competition and life, they are better able to process the loss and take it in their stride. They are also able to learn from their mistakes and try to improve themselves in a healthy and healing way. After all, we all have lost at some point, so let’s teach our kids from a young age that it’s okay for them to lose too.